"I am prepared to be raped"

I am prepared to be raped.

As a South African woman, I have a 1 in 3 chance of being raped.

I am mentally, and practically prepared to be raped.

From as far back as I can remember, since I could comprehend language, my mom has taught me what to do if ever I was raped or sexually assaulted. Honestly, I can remember learning these procedures before I even started primary school. My mom has received criticism for talking to me about rape from such an early age and her response was always "how young is too young?". A study done on school girls showed that every 3 out of 4 school girls, 3 OUT OF 4 SCHOOL GIRLS, admitted to having been forced to have sex (rape). How young is too young indeed?

"Do not shower or wash yourself, tell a trusted adult, go to a hospital or the police station as soon as possible". This procedure has been repeated to me so many times that I have almost been desensitised to the idea of rape.

The recent rape trial of a Stanford student has got me thinking more deeply about rape in South Africa.

Let’s Talk About Rape

Where I grew up, in a sheltered rural town in Mpumalanga, rape was a far off concept that we briefly dealt with in Life Orientation class at school. As far as I know, none of my friends had ever been sexually assaulted, rape was not really something we had to worry about, this is not to say that rape never occurred in my town. Meanwhile, girls my own age were going through the trauma of rape while my biggest "trauma" was my bi-annual maths exam. My schooling failed dismally in preparing me for the realities of life outside my small town.

Although rape was not a big concern of mine growing up, it has increasingly become one in the years since I have left school. Each time I walk alone to buy groceries, each time I walk from the train station to my residence alone, each time some man cat calls me on the street, each time the fear lingers in the back of my mind. Each time I prepare myself for the possibility that today might be the day that I have to follow the ingrained procedure “Do not shower or wash yourself, tell a trusted adult, go to a hospital or the police station as soon as possible”.

In my mind whenever I picture a rapist, I picture an old, dirty black man who corners me on the street and forces himself onto me. It is moments like these that I am hit by the shocking realisation that I have ingrained racial prejudices. I am someone who lives, breathes and teaches non discrimination and acceptance, and so for me these realisations about myself are always hard to accept. This reminds me of something else my mother told me growing up “Your rapist, more often than not, will be someone you know. It could be your uncle, one of your dad’s friends, a teacher, someone you trust, someone you would never suspect”. This chilling thought leads me to the chilling realisation that rape is not a characteristic of a certain race, culture, social class or religion. Anyone can be a rapist and anyone can be a victim.

More Than Numbers

It is estimated that only 1 in 5 women who are raped in South Africa come forward and report their rape. There are many reasons why, but for one: the treatment of rape victims at most police stations and public hospitals is absolutely appalling. Researchers from the Medical Research Council did a study about how rape victims are dealt with at police stations and some of the researchers were so traumatised by what they witnessed that they had to go for counseling.

50% of court cases in South Africa are about charges of rape. Why are our jails not filled with rapists? Why are there STILL rapists on the streets - because only 4,5% of rape cases in our courts turn into convictions.

1 in 3 South African women will be raped in their lifetime. 1 in 3 women. Not to mention the number of young boys and men, 1 in 10 men, who are also victims of sexual assault. 75% of rape in South Africa is gang rape, so for all the women and men raped, as disgusting and unacceptable a number as it is, there are even more rapists! South Africa officially has the highest rate of rape IN THE WORLD.

Misplaced Anger, or Justified Frustration?

One has to ask, where is the outrage? Are we so used to the idea of rape that we ignore it? Are we so used to the precautions we take against rape that we don't even realise that is what they are? Girls always going to the bathroom together, not walking alone on the streets, your taser or pepper spray a permanent item in your handbag, your car keys poised as a weapon when walking to your car? Acts so common that it took me a while to even recognise their purpose.

Seriously though, WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE?!? Why is this not one of our top priorities?? Aside from the handful of brave Rhodes students, where are the protesters, the ‪#‎rapemustfall campaign? Why is there not protests on every campus? Where are the policy changes, the programmes working to prevent rape, the trained medical professionals to deal with rape?

Do we ignore the fact that South Africa is the rape capital of the world? Is rape so common that we no longer care?

No, I don’t believe that to be true. A women getting raped is not news worthy in South Africa, not anymore and not unless it is a particularly gruesome, sensational attack that will make for good news ratings. If the statistics are to be believed, a woman is raped every 4 minutes in South Africa, but when was the last time you heard about a woman being raped? If every rape of a woman had to be reported, I am sure that there would be a national outcry.

What can we do? How can we decrease the rate of sexual assault and protect our brothers and sisters?

An option: instead of targeting our (completely justified) anger onto Brock Turner, the Stanford rapist, let us rather target our anger closer to home. Let our anger be the fuel to the fire we need to help rape victims in South Africa. Let us bring the rapists to justice, let us show the same support for South African rape victims as we do the victim of Brock Turner, let us launch campaigns against South African judges who offer lenient sentences to rapists. Let us grow a generation of men who stand against rape, let us create positive role models and examples to young South African boys, let us nip the problem of rape in the bud by going to the source. Let us stand up for our women and destroy this rape culture!

Thank you to all the victims who have the courage to come forward. Thank you to the police men and women and the medical staff who treat rape with the tenderness and seriousness it deserves. Thank you to the everyday heroes who report crimes of rape and sexual assault. Thank you to the people who see rape as the unacceptable crime it is and would never rape another human being.

I am incredibly lucky to have not yet been made a statistic.

Although I am prepared mentally and practically to be raped, I ask myself, can anyone ever really be ready? I sincerely hope that myself, and all those I know, never ever have to find out.